I guess it’s part of getting older. We realize all the things we so fervently believed in when we were younger are not entirely true. We haven’t heard the whole story. And the complete picture is more nuanced than we believed.
When I was younger, I had a firm fix on what was “Right” and what was “Wrong.” Eating animals: bad; eating plants: good. Doing yoga: good; weight training:: dangerous. Trusting your guru entirely: right; trusting your own intuition: sometimes wrong.
And oh my, how the tables have turned.
I really no longer know what is good/bad, right/wrong, light/dark, etc. It’s all one big mishmash to me. And things that once were good are now bad and visa versa.
Maybe Shakespeare was right: nothing is neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so.
My guru ended up being abusive, eating only plants made me sick, going back to hitting the weights at the gym ended up being a lot of fun.
There’s been so many instances in my life lately where things that once felt forbidden are now my bread and butter. And things that once felt perfect and permanent in my life are now gone.
Things that seemed dangerous are now daily occurrences. Things that seemed necessary are now optional.
How many of you find this to be true? As you grow up, as we grow more mature, we realize that there is so much more gray area than we once believed? That what is irrevocably true in one week can be false the next. Like Taylor Swift going from beauty-queen hating country star to pumped up glamazon in the blink of an eye.
Nothing stays constant. It’s a brand new world everyday… and I’m learning to live in the gray. Learning to live with complexity. And learning that nothing is really ever right/wrong, good/bad, holy/sinful, selfish/saintly. We are all just… here, in the middle.
2 thoughts on “Living in the Gray…”
Thanks for sharing this part of your life, Kaelan 🙂
I agree in toto with Shakespeare’s words that nothing is neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so. Yes, I did grow up with certain limiting belief like for instances:
1. Money is the root cause of all evils; that wealthy people are fake while poor people are good (which is not true because reverse happens too)
2. All men are abusers whereas all women are victims (in my personal experience I’ve witnessed – still do come across, cases where women are as equally abusive to men and fellow women as men are abusive to women and fellow men; difference is they’re rarely confronted).
We live in an illusion when we are younger until certain experiences struck us like a thunderbolt and we then realize we’re being feed to believe something which aren’t entirely true. It took me time to swallow the red pill but now, I am in a better place 🙂
As far as gym is concerned, I used to hate the idea of doing workout. Now, it’s been a month I’ve started going to gym and I love my cardio and resistance training.
Thanks, Nived, for your great observations!! I agree with you wholeheartedly… and I’m glad you’re enjoying your new training regime! 🙂